


Shooting Love In Real Time

by SRbackwards



Series: Polaroids and Memories [2]
Category: Professional Wrestling, World Wrestling Entertainment
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Drug Addiction, Drug Use, Drugs, Ex-Convict AU, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-22
Updated: 2016-07-22
Packaged: 2018-07-26 01:58:38
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,341
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7555708
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SRbackwards/pseuds/SRbackwards
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sure, grand romantic gestures might work for some people, but it was the day to day stuff that really held a couple together.</p><p>Sequel to my fic "Polaroids and Memories".</p>
            </blockquote>





	Shooting Love In Real Time

**Author's Note:**

> Here we go, I've been writing this for a while.

Jason firmly believed that in relationships, it was the little things that counted. Sure, grand romantic gestures might work for some people, but it was the day to day stuff that really held a couple together.

Strangely enough, when it came to the day to day with someone you were friends with before you were lovers, the little things might not have even changed that much. Outside of the bedroom, a close friendship might be almost indistinguishable from a romantic relationship, but it was the subtle differences that made things interesting.

For one, since he’d had a relationship upgrade with his closest friend and former roommate, Jason was no longer ashamed to stare. Chad had never had inhibitions about staring, but it was new to Jason. He found that he enjoyed it. He’d stare until Chad noticed and then he’d watch as the blush crept up his neck.

Sometimes, he’d do it just to watch Chad get flustered about it. He’d let his eyes rove all over his boyfriend’s body, and when Chad noticed, they’d end up falling into bed and ravishing each other. It was a pretty good system, as far as Jason was concerned.

These days, Chad almost spent more time at Jason’s apartment than his own, and that worked out fine for both of them. It was almost like old times, apart from Baron grumbling around in the background.

There were bad days, of course, but that was to be expected. Chad was still learning how to live on the other side of the fence. Jason knew that. He also knew how to take care of him a lot better now. On nights where he couldn’t sleep, Jason would stay up with him and hold him (or at least try to). He still took him to support group sessions when he was free. When Chad’s hands would shake, Jason would hold them and kiss his knuckles.

Jason loved holding Chad’s hands.

He’d always loved his hips, but he loved them even more now that he was allowed to hold them too. He clutched at them as Chad rode him into the mattress and it was a feeling that never got old.

Chad arched his back – _God, he was flexible_ – and Jason steadied him. His own hips thrusted in time with Chad’s every movement.

Jason had never been with a man before the night they got together, but he was a quick learner and when he wanted something, he wasn’t afraid to work for it. Of course, it didn’t hurt that Chad was the one guiding him. Chad was a very hands-on teacher.

Jason was learning new things every day, not least about how to make Chad react exactly the way he wanted him to. It was easy now he knew how. Little gasps and hitches of breath and “ _Jason_ ”s tumbled from Chad’s lips, and Jason smirked through the tightening feeling in his stomach. Chad’s skin was flushed all the way from his collarbone up his neck and Jason felt a familiar tingling sensation.

He gripped Chad’s hip harder with one hand and wrapped the other around Chad’s dick, and Chad met him in the middle with every thrust.

Lips parted, gasping out his name, Chad spilled over Jason’s hand as he carried him through his orgasm. Feeling Chad clench around him, Jason thrust harder. He wasn’t the most vocal in bed but he let out a sound that was halfway between cursing and groaning when his own orgasm hit him.

Chad slumped beside him, breathing loudly in the quiet of the room. Jason rolled over and pressed a kiss just under his jaw, the way he’d been wanting to for a while but Chad’s face had been too far away too reach. Chad just chuckled, and handed him a couple of tissues from the box on the night stand so he could clean up his hand and their stomachs.

When they were mostly cleaned up, Jason sprawled against Chad’s side, leaning across him lazily to drop the tissues on the floor.

“Ew,” said Chad, but Jason had already burrowed into the crook of his neck and was drifting. Sleepily, Jason curled his fingers around Chad’s wrist and pulled it gently so it was resting on Chad’s chest. He covered his boyfriend’s hand with his own and was asleep in moments.

*

“Are you working tonight?” asked Chad, stealing a couple of fries off Jason’s plate.

“Yeah,” said Jason, half-heartedly batting his hand away. Slyly, Chad looked up at him through his eyelashes with his pretty, pleading eyes. “I’m sorry.” Jason felt his cheeks growing warm. Chad knew how to press all of his buttons and wasn’t afraid to use that knowledge.

“I’m gonna miss you,” said Chad in a low voice. Jason shivered.

“I’d say do you wanna come over after, but my shift ends at two.”

“Shame. Guess I’m gonna have to have my bed _all to myself_ tonight…”

“Gosh, that is a sha-”

“Jason?” came a voice that was all too familiar. Jason froze. He pulled his hand back from where it had been creeping towards Chad’s on the table and looked up at the man striding towards them.

“Tye,” he replied flatly when the man came to a stop right next to their table, clutching a carry-out cup.

“Man, I thought it was you. I haven’t seen you in forever.” Tye glanced at Chad, and then back at Jason.

“This is my…” The word ‘boyfriend’ caught in Jason’s throat. “… friend. Chad.” There was an awkward pause, and his heart sank as he felt Chad withdraw his foot from where it had been casually resting against his.  

“How’s it going? Wait, shoot, you know what? I’m late. But you should definitely come out to the bar tomorrow night. We can catch up.” Tye was practically bouncing on the balls of his feet and Jason felt like he’d never hated anyone more in his life. Except for maybe Mojo Rawley. He looked over at his boyfriend, but Chad was staunchly avoiding eye contact.

“Maybe,” said Jason tersely.

“Oh come on, you gonna flake out on me like that? How long did we live together?”

“Didn’t you say you were running late for something?”

“Right, right,” said Tye. “I’ll see you tomorrow?” Tye was already backing towards the door, one hand still pointing back at Jason.

“Yeah, sure. Whatever.” Jason regretted the words as soon as they were out of his mouth, as Tye’s face broke out into a self-satisfied grin. He held his breath until his ex-roommate was out of the door.

He looked back at Chad and his insides felt uncomfortably tight. Chad still wasn’t looking at him; he was looking down at his plate.

“Hey, I’m-”

“Can we get the check?” Chad’s voice trembled slightly and Jason didn’t think it was possible to feel worse. When they paid and made their way back outside in complete, heavy silence, Jason could only think one thing.

Tye Dillinger was back for all of ten seconds and he was already ruining his life.

Jason was putting on his seatbelt when Chad finally broke the silence.

“Why didn’t you tell him that I’m your boyfriend?”

Jason turned his head to look at him, but Chad was looking out of the window.

“I…” Jason gripped the steering wheel. “I don’t know,” he said after a moment. “I just… the words wouldn’t come out. He didn’t need to know. So I didn’t tell him.” The words left a bitter taste in his mouth as he started the car. There was a long pause as he pulled out on to the main road.

He was close to counting the seconds when Chad, finally turning to face him, said, “So this – _our relationship_ – is like a… need-to-know basis kind of thing?”

“No… that’s not what I meant… I just...”

“Right, okay,” said Chad, turning back around to look out of the window.

They lapsed into painful silence. With every passing minute, Jason felt the knot in his stomach grow tighter.

Eventually, he said, “Are you mad at me?” Chad turned back to look at him, eyes wide open.

“I guess I’m _just_ your friend, right? So what right do I have to be mad?”

Jason had never been good with words at the best of times, and this was the worst of times.

“Don’t be like that,” he said, and instantly regretted it.

“Pull over,” said Chad. “I’ll walk home.”

“Chad-”

“Please.” Jason glanced at Chad’s face and found it drawn tight. His knuckles were white as he squeezed the door handle. With a sinking feeling in his chest, he pulled over to the side of the street, and Chad got out of the car.

Jason opened his mouth to – to what? Argue? Apologise? – but Chad was already walking away.

*

Work was hell for Jason. His boyfriend was upset with him and he could think of nothing else. On top of that, he had meeting up with Tye to look forward to. Some bile rose up, but he swallowed it back.

It was hard to concentrate on waiting tables when his phone sat heavy in his pocket, abrasively silent and still.

Guilt was gnawing at his chest.

_Why couldn’t he had just said that Chad was his boyfriend? Why did he have to make everything so difficult? What did it matter what Tye thought?_

He’d called Chad his boyfriend probably a hundred times by now. Most of his friends knew that he had a boyfriend. He’d had no qualms letting his current roommate, Baron, know. _So why did he freeze up like that when it came to Tye?_ It wasn’t even as if Tye had ever given him any indication that he was homophobic or anything like that.

Still, Tye had always brought the worst out in Jason. If they’d lived together for longer, Jason might’ve actually gone insane. He’d hype him up then drop him down and cut him out for days at a time until Jason was starved for attention and conversation, and then he’d do it all again.

 _So why the_ fuck _did he care what_ that guy _thought of him and Chad?_

It was too much, and Jason took a quick ‘bathroom’ break to text Chad that he was sorry. He waited for a couple of minutes, very conscious that if he took any longer in the bathroom, it would start to look suspicious. Just when he was about to write it off as a lost cause, his phone buzzed. The message read:

_We’ll talk about it tomorrow, okay? Xx_

Jason spent the rest of the evening trying – and failing – not to think about his boyfriend’s disappointed face.

*

_Hey man, you still coming tonight? – Tye_

_Yeah, I guess_

Jason couldn’t even muster up the enthusiasm in a text message. It was gonna be a long night.

First of all, he had to make things right with his boyfriend. He couldn’t spend another night alone, feeling the way he had the night before.

He stopped by Chad’s apartment on the way to the bar. Chad’s roommate Carmella met him at the door.

“I’m glad you’re here,” she said, wearing a sympathetic smile. She stepped back to let him in and he’d barely had time to process what she’d said before he was being knocked backwards, his arms full of Chad.

Chad buried his face in Jason’s neck, and Jason glanced at Carmella over the top of his boyfriend’s head. She was already across the room.

“I’ll give you two some privacy,” she said, winking at Jason, and then closing her own bedroom door behind her.

Chad pulled back to look up at him with shiny, shiny eyes and Jason couldn’t look away. Without breaking eye contact, Chad pulled him fully into the apartment and shut the door.

There was a moment of silence, in which they just stared at each other, and they both broke it at the same time.

“I’m sorry-” they said, almost in perfect unison, and laughter tipped Jason’s head back. He felt Chad slump forward and press his forehead into his chest, and they held each other for a moment, laughing. Chad smelt like familiar soap and shampoo and Jason’s heart twisted.

“I’m sorry,” he said again, because now that Chad was in his arms he was remembering how it felt when he wasn’t. He couldn’t go back.

Chad leant back to look him in the eye, and then stepped away, gripping his biceps and holding him at arm’s length.

“Don’t be sorry. _I’m_ sorry. I overreacted. You don’t have to tell people that I’m your boyfriend if you’re not ready. I get it,” he said. He glanced down at the floor, and then let go of Jason’s arms.

Understanding dawned on Jason.

“Chad… Chad, baby, I’m not _ashamed_ of you if that’s what you think. You’re the bravest, strongest,” he wrapped his arms around Chad’s waist, pulling him in, “sexiest guy I’ve ever met. You’re everything I didn’t know I needed. I’m just new to this. I froze up.”

“Okay,” said Chad slowly, and Jason couldn’t help but drag him up into a kiss. Chad was on his tiptoes, Jason had one firm hand on his waist to keep him steady and another in his hair to keep him close. “I _am_ sorry, though,” said Chad into the kiss. “I’ll make it up to you.” He nipped at Jason’s lower lip. Jason groaned.

“No, okay, yeah, but…” Jason paused as Chad wrapped both arms around his neck. “I have to go and meet Tye…” He kissed Chad once, twice, three times; just tender pecks on the lips before pulling away fully.

“Have fun,” said Chad, and Jason didn’t miss the tremor in his voice. He took Chad’s (slightly unsteady) hands in his own and brought them up to his own face. He laid a gentle kiss in the inside of each of his wrists and watched as Chad’s eyes fell closed. He stayed there, Chad’s hands in his own, until Chad’s breathing had evened out.

“I’ll text you when I’m done with Tye,” he said, letting go of his boyfriend and stepping towards the door.

“Okay.”

Jason hesitated, one hand on the door handle. Words that he wasn’t sure he was ready to say, or maybe he wasn’t sure if Chad was ready to hear, hung between them, heavy and invisible.

Instead of those words, he said “see you later.”

*

Tye had already ordered for him by the time he’d arrived. It was some brand of beer that Jason had never liked but had gotten used to when he and Tye had lived together. He wasn’t used to it anymore.

Still, he knocked it back to drown out the sound of Tye talking about his life. Apparently, everything was going ‘perfect’ with him. He wouldn’t stop using the word ‘perfect’.

“I just can’t believe the deal I managed to get on this apartment, man. Just perfect. Good size, near the water. Of course, I never would’ve been able to afford it without this job.”

Jason took another drink. Tye talked about his job. He talked about his apartment. He talked about the new diet kick he was on and the workouts he did. It was all _perfect_.

“What about you, man? What’s new?”

“Oh, you know,” said Jason. “Still doing college. Still working.” Chad’s name was on the tip of his tongue, but he bit it back. Tye didn’t need to know. Jason wasn’t sure why, but he didn’t want him to know.

“You still playing football?”

“Yeah…” Jason was trying to think of something more to say when Tye called over the bartender.

“Can we have a round of vodka shots?”

“What?” asked Jason, as the bartender turned to get the shot glasses. Tye looked him up and down.

“You know what? Make ‘em doubles.”

“Tye…” Jason didn’t like where the evening was going. It was an all too familiar route.

“Come on, man. You still staying in every night studying? You still spending all day every day at class or work or practice? You still have no social life?”

“Fuck off,” said Jason.

“Come on, live a little. Don’t be so boring.” The shots were placed in front of them, and Tye signalled the bartender to get them two more doubles. Jason just glared at him.

 _Don’t be so boring_. All four double shots were in front of them now and Tye picked up one, gesturing for Jason to take another. _I’m so boring._

“Fuck you, Dillinger,” said Jason, and then downed one of the shots. As Tye was knocking back his own, Jason grabbed the other two and downed them both himself. Tye stared at him.

“Now, that’s more like it,” said Tye, trying to get the bartender’s attention again.

“No. Fuck off. I’m leaving.”

“Aw come on man, don’t be like that.”

“Nah you always manage to bring me down, no matter what. There’s a reason we stopped living together, Tye, and you know it. I’m going home to see my _boyfriend_. Because I’d much rather be boring with him than anything with you.”

“Your boyfriend?”

“Yes, my _boyfriend_ ,” Jason was well aware that he was speaking far too loudly, but six shots in, he couldn’t bring himself to care. “Chad. I introduced him to you as my friend because you don’t get to just show up and know about my life. He moved in after you moved out and now we’re dating. And I’d rather be at home with him every night than out at some dive bar, so if that makes me boring then I guess I’m _boring_. Congratulations. You were right.”

“Jason…” Tye’s eyebrows were drawn together in concern.

“I’m going _home_. Is that alright with you, Tye? IS THAT ALRIGHT WITH YOU?”

Tye looked back at him, dumbfounded.

“Jason, I never meant to… I mean… I’m sorry, I didn’t think-”

Jason shrugged his jacket on and stormed away before Tye could finish.

*

It was nearly midnight but Jason couldn’t think of anywhere else he’d rather be than with Chad, holding him and apologising for all the stupid things he’d ever done. Carmella answered the door.

“Hey, sorry it’s late, I just needed to…” Jason trailed off as he met her eyes. She was looking up at him with confusion and concern.

“Don’t worry about it. Chad isn’t here,” she said.

“ _What_?”

“He went out a little while ago.” She grimaced. “He was in a bad way.”

“Fuck… fuck, fuck. Did he say where he was going?”

“No. I tried to get him to stay, but he said just really needed a walk. I’m sorry.”

“No, it’s not your fault. I’ll find him. I’ll find him.”

“Okay, thanks. Let me know when you do."

“Of course,” said Jason, “I’ll text you.”

He made his way back outside. The air was bitingly cold. Jason really hoped Chad had had the good sense to bring a jacket. Jason at least still had the buzz of alcohol to keep him warm. He pulled his phone out of his jacket pocket, but it was out of battery.

Jason wasn’t sure where to go next. His brain wasn’t working at its full capacity. There were moments when all he could think about was his feet hitting the sidewalk.

After about twenty minutes of footsteps and worst case scenarios rattling around in his head, he came to a stop at the end of a familiar street. He slipped through a tall black gate and kept walking, until he was at the top of a hill.

He could see for miles from up here. His heart twinged at memory of the same skyline on a cool night in late September, Chad by his side. They’d come up here on his birthday, and later the same night they’d got together.

Chad was nowhere to be seen. It’d been a long shot, but Jason had had to try.

He walked back down the same street, pulling his jacket tighter around him. God, he hoped Chad was somewhere warm.

Jason ended up outside his apartment building. He hadn’t been intending to go there, but he couldn’t go on a wild goose chase all over the city. He would go inside, where it was warm, and he would put his phone on charge so that he could call Chad and beg him to come home.

As it turned out, he didn’t have to.

Chad was sitting in the corridor outside his apartment, eyes closed, leaning back against the wall.

“Chad.” Jason stumbled over to him and dropped to his knees. Chad’s eyes flickered open, and Jason had almost never been more relieved to see him. Almost. “Oh God, baby are you okay? I’m so sorry.”

Chad shook his head.

“J.J.… I had to get out of the apartment. I felt like the walls were closing in. I couldn’t think of anywhere else to go. I’m sorry.”

“Shh, don’t be silly.” The corridor was cold. Chad was wearing a jacket, but his skin was cold when Jason touched it. “Come on, let’s get you inside.”

Baron was out for the night. Jason wrapped Chad up in a blanket and left him on the couch while he made some hot cocoa. His phone was now charging, so he sent Carmella a text to let her know that he’d found Chad and that he was okay.

Chad didn’t meet his eyes when he pressed the warm mug of cocoa into his hands. His face was red and blotchy, and Jason suddenly wondered if he’d been crying. He sat down next to him on the couch and pulled the blanket aside so he could get under it too. Chad still didn’t look at him, even as Jason pulled him into a warm embrace.

Chad said nothing. Jason waited.

Chad sipped at his hot cocoa, and Jason kept his arms wrapped around him, trying to warm him up through sheer will power.

Jason waited until Chad finished his cocoa, and when he showed no signs of moving or speaking, Jason took the mug from his hands and placed it on the coffee table.

“Hang on a minute,” he said, and went to his room to grab his big double duvet. Chad let go of the blanket as Jason pried it away from him and dropped it on the floor, and then sat down beside him, pulling him close so the duvet was properly wrapped around both of them.

Chad pulled his feet up, and for the first time, leant into Jason’s arms. Jason almost audibly sighed in relief.

They stayed that way for a few minutes, Chad curled up into a ball and pressed against Jason’s chest, and Jason gently stroking Chad’s side through his shirt, before Chad finally spoke.

“I’m sorry…”

“Don’t apologise,” murmured Jason, but Chad ignored him.

“Things were… they were bad.”

“I know,” said Jason. He wasn’t expecting him to continue, but Chad carried on speaking.

“I’m pathetic. I can’t even take care of myself for one night.”

For one moment, Jason was angry. He was so angry that the world had taken the precious, gorgeous, tough man that he loved _so_ much and put him through hell time and time again and had made him feel worthless.

“You’re _not_ pathetic,” Jason insisted, “You’re _not_ weak. Hell, you’re probably the strongest person I know. I’ve seen you live through ups and downs and you always come out on the other side fighting. Even superheroes have bad days.”

Chad’s face broke into a weak smile, even though his eyes were still shiny with tears.

“Everyone has bad days,” Jason pressed on. “And I’m here for you when you do.”

Maybe it was corny, but in his experience, Chad loved corny. True to form, Chad placed one hand either side of his face and kissed him. Jason turned his face into the kiss, deepening it and pressing his tongue into his boyfriend’s mouth. Chad pulled back with a grimace.

“How was the bar?”

Okay, so maybe the vodka and beer were still on his breath.

“I kinda ended up yelling at Tye. ‘Cause he’s a dick.”

Chad laughed along with him, and Jason took the opportunity to press a kiss into his hair. After a moment, he slipped his hand under Chad’s shirt and gently stroked the bare skin of his side. The laughter died down.

There was a lull, where they sat in companionable silence for a minute or two, just holding each other.

“You know,” Jason breathed, breaking the silence, “I told him that you were my boyfriend.”

“How did he take it?” There were times when Jason would wonder when he’d next see Chad smile. When things were bad, he prayed for it like a farmer prays for rain. Right now, Chad’s smile was more beautiful than Jason could ever had imagined. “Jason?”

“Uh… what?” He realised he’d been staring. He would’ve been embarrassed had Chad not looked so god damn happy about it.

“How did he take it?”

“You know… I’m not actually sure. I left before he could really react.”

Chad straightened up his back and leant in to kiss at Jason’s neck. Jason gripped Chad’s hip under his shirt, and Chad let out a little noise of approval. He moved to kiss him on the lips, and kissed Jason until he could barely remember his own name.

“You’re my boyfriend,” said Jason hazily, apropos of nothing.

“I know,” said Chad, chuckling.

It wasn’t an “I love you”, but it was something.

*

“You know what’s weird?”

“Hm?” replied Chad, cracking one eye open. Jason was sitting up, hands pressed down into the short grass while Chad was laid out beside him. It had been very unseasonably warm for December in Chicago, and so they were taking advantage of it by sitting in the park.

It wasn’t warm enough to warrant not wearing jackets, but it was warm enough to be outside.

“We got together on my birthday, which means that my birthday is our anniversary. But I don’t even know when your birthday is.”

“Oh…” said Chad, closing his eyes again. “It’s March eighth.”

“What year?” Jason smiled wryly. “And if you say ‘every year’, I’m breaking up with you.”

Chad smiled without opening his eyes.

“Eighty-six.”

“So you’re… twenty-six?”

“Mhmm.” Chad nodded.

“So… what you’re saying is… I’m your toyboy?”

 “Sure, if you want,” Chad snorted.

“Wait, hold on a second.”

“What?”

“You moved in with me in February. If your birthday’s in March, why didn’t I know about it?”

Chad opened his eyes fully, and sat up. He met Jason’s eyes.

“Uh… I didn’t think it was important…” Jason gave him a withering stare and he quickly changed his response. “Okay, okay, things were super awkward and you obviously didn’t like me and I didn’t want to make things worse!”

“Worse? How could having a birthday make things worse?”

“I don’t know, I just didn’t want you to feel like you had to be nice to me because it was my birthday. I’d only just moved in.”

“That is,” said Jason, leaning in, “the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard.”

“Okay, maybe you’re right, but it made sense at the time. Do you wanna get out of here? The sun’s gone.”

As they made their way over to a nearby coffee shop to warm up, Jason’s mind was working at a hundred miles an hour.

*

The next morning, Jason was up early, setting up a tray of breakfast food. Beside the food were three crudely wrapped parcels.

Baron had been up all night watching creepy documentaries, and had scoffed at him from the living room when he realised what Jason was doing.

Jason rolled his eyes at him. Bumping his own bedroom door open with his hip, he slipped into his own room.

Setting down the tray on his chest of drawers, he went to the window, and pulled the curtain slightly aside. It was light enough for him to see, but not light enough to wake his boyfriend up.

Chad was tangled up in his duvet, where he’d left him, looking as serene as anything.

Jason was a heavy sleeper, and he almost always fell asleep before Chad did, so moments like these were rare. Chad looked so peaceful when he slept.

It didn’t last long. Chad stirred, groaning quietly, and Jason decided to open the curtains the rest of the way.

Chad let out a long moan, and stretched out, and Jason took a moment to enjoy the show. He was only wearing underwear, and his hips lifted off the bed as he stretched.

“Good morning,” Jason chuckled. Chad’s hips hit the bed again and he opened his eyes.

“Good morning,” he said sleepily. _God he’s cute._

“I brought you something.”

“Oh yeah?” said Chad, sitting up. Jason retrieved the tray and then set it down in Chad’s lap. Chad looked up at him quizzically. “What’s this all about?”

Jason made his way to the other side of the bed and slipped under the covers next to him. He pressed one of the presents into Chad’s hands.

“We’re celebrating your birthday today, since I missed it the first time around.”

“Jason…” Chad’s mouth hung half-open. “You didn’t have to do this.”

“I know. I wanted to do this. Happy very belated birthday,” he said, kissing Chad’s temple.

Chad bit into a piece of toast, still balancing the present in his hand. Jason was staring at him expectantly. Swallowing, he put the toast down and teased at the corner of the wrapping paper.

“Do you want me to open this?” he asked, sliding his thumbnail under some of the tape.

“Yes! I mean… yeah I mean, I’m sorry. I’m just excited.”

Chad indulged him and ripped the rest of the paper away to reveal a framed picture of the two of them. Chad was looking into the camera, and Jason was kissing his cheek, his eyes adoring. Jason had taken it the previous day, when they’d gotten back from the coffee shop. The frame was sturdy and black and had hearts subtly carved into it.

Chad didn’t say a word. He just turned his head and kissed Jason tenderly on the lips. Jason’s heart fluttered, the way it always did when Chad kissed him like that.

The next present Chad unwrapped was a set of fancy drawing pens. Chad thanked him, without the kiss this time, and Jason missed it. The final present was a brand new copy of the PS3 version of WWE ’13.

“Where did you get the time to do all this? I only told you about my birthday yesterday, and I’ve been with you the whole time since then!”

“…I snuck out while you were sleeping.”

“You must be awfully tired, then.”

“I’m fine,” said Jason, suppressing a yawn. “There are things that are worth missing sleep for.”

“Oh yeah?” Chad raised an eyebrow.

“I can think of a few.”

Without hesitation, Chad lifted the tray of food off of his own lap and placed it on the floor next to the bed. Jason didn’t even give him a chance to turn around before he was groping at him and kissing his neck. His fingertips played with the waistband of Chad’s boxers.

“Breakfast can wait,” Chad mumbled.

“Breakfast can wait,” Jason agreed.

*

The weather had been surprisingly warm over the past week, but it was still December, and the beach was deserted.

“God, I love when big open public places are empty. It feels special,” said Chad as they surveyed the scene. Jason took their towels and laid them side by side.

“Come on,” he said. “Let’s go for a swim.”

“A swim? The water will be freezing!”

“Don’t worry about it, babe,” he said with a wink, “I’ll keep you warm.” He slid his hands up the length of Chad’s arms, and Chad’s resolved crumbled.

He was right, of course. The water was freezing, and dressed in only swim shorts, it took a lot of persuading to get him into the water.

Jason opted for the ‘dive straight in’ method, while Chad was still trying not to get his shorts wet. He all but shrieked when Jason swam back to him and tried to pull him in with cold, wet hands.

“Babe, I can only keep you warm if you actually, you know, get _in_ the water,” said Jason. Chad glared at him, but held his head up as he marched into deeper water. It was waist deep when Jason came up behind him and wrapped an arm him, pulling him down so his shoulders were submerged.

He splashed his boyfriend after that, but stayed there floating until it didn’t feel so cold anymore.

“There, not so bad, is it?” murmured Jason against his ear, and he shuddered involuntarily. Jason pulled him back against him with an arm around his waist.

“…Maybe not.”

*

Chad didn’t ask where they were going. He didn’t need to. They’d gotten a takeout from their old local Chinese restaurant, and even though Jason hadn’t said a word about it, the route was awfully familiar.

Of course, they ended up at the top of the hill they’d spent Jason’s birthday on. Jason might’ve projected the tough guy persona with his height and his muscles, but he was a hopeless romantic at heart.

“You’re absolutely adorable,” Chad said, when they were standing at the top of the hill, looking out over the view.

“You don’t know the half of it,” said Jason with a grin, producing a rose from the takeout bag. He’d slipped the owner of the restaurant a big tip for having their food ready upon their arrival, and it hadn’t cost him much more to get him to add the rose.

Chad laughed, but Jason could see how red his cheeks were. From the moment they sat down in the grass and started eating, Chad didn’t let go of his hand, no matter how impractical it was.

*

Carmella was at her boyfriend’s house, so they went back to Chad’s apartment after dinner.

Chad kissed him hard as soon as the door closed behind him. He fumbled helping Chad out of his shirt and pulling off his own, but once they’d kicked off their shoes, their pants came down easily.

They took it slow.

They made their way to Chad’s bedroom, and Chad shoved Jason onto his back with uncharacteristic aggression that made Jason’s dick twitch. He took off Jason’s socks and his own before straddling him.

Jason’s eyes rolled back when Chad ground down against him, only two layers of fabric separating them now. He tried to keep up, but he was so turned on that he couldn’t think straight. His hands reached out, finding Chad’s, and Chad slowed to a stop.

“We’ve got all night,” murmured Chad when Jason groaned. Chad rolled, pulling Jason with him until they were both lying on their sides. He kissed Jason again, this time more tenderly, and Jason listened to his own heartbeat start to slow.

Chad rolled again, away from him now, but pulled Jason’s arms with him so they were spooning.

“God you’re hot,” said Chad, punctuating his words by grinding back against him. Jason was flushed, and he could feel his dick hardening.

He’d never been good at dirty talk.

He leaned in to whisper something into Chad’s ear, but the only words that came into his head were “I love you”, but he couldn’t say that. The first time he said it had to count. It wouldn’t count if Chad had his ass pressed right up against his junk.

Instead, he settled for breathing heavily and groaning right next to his ear, which seemed to have the desired effect. Chad ground back into him.

“Got you speechless, have I?” asked Chad coyly.

“Shut up,” mumbled Jason, moving to kiss at the side of his neck. He let one hand slide into Chad’s underwear, and felt a lot of satisfaction at the way he gasped. “You’re not exactly a wordsmith yourself, today.”

“Hng… shut up.” Jason hadn’t stopped touching him. With his other hand, he pinched at Chad’s nipple, eliciting a strangled moan. “ _Fuck_.”

Without warning, Chad pulled away from him, and Jason was confused until he opened the drawer in his nightstand and started rummaging through.

Jason rolled onto his back, a smile flitting across his lips. When Chad turned back to him, he thrust a bottle of lube and a condom into his hands. He kissed at Jason’s neck, frenzied, but Jason slowed him with a hand in his hair.

“We’ve got all night,” he parroted, and Chad glared. Jason kissed him, stroking his hair out of his face, and Chad slipped a knee between his thighs.

It took a bit of manoeuvring, but they both ended up with their underwear off. Jason was on top, kissing Chad’s neck and chest, as his lube covered fingers teased at his asshole. Chad loosely wrapped his legs around Jason’s torso for ease of access, and Jason took that as his cue to slide one finger inside him.

A groan ripped its way out of Chad’s mouth, and the sound went straight to Jason’s dick.

When Chad started pressing down on his finger, he tentatively added another, to little resistance. Chad seemed to have run out of words.

“You good?” asked Jason, when Chad stopped moving.

“Hmm. Yeah. I’m good. I’m just thinking about your dick inside me,” said Chad with a hazy smile. Jason slid another finger inside him, stretching him as best he could.

He knew Chad’s body well enough by now to see the signs that he was ready, but he asked anyway.

“Babe, I’ve been ready for ages,” said Chad, half-laughing. Jason didn’t need to be told twice. He rolled the condom onto his dick, and stroked himself a few times to ensure he was well and truly lubed up. His boyfriend watched him, licking his lips.

Chad’s legs were spread wide. Jason knelt between them, and pulled Chad up by his knees. He was flexible. He could handle it.

Even though they’d done it many times now, still nothing could prepare Jason for the tight heat around his dick when he pushed inside him. Chad moaned again, and Jason stroked at his thighs.

“Is this good for you, babe?”

“Fuck yes,” Chad garbled, eyes tight shut.

Jason pulled back and then thrust into him, and they both moaned. They found their rhythm quickly. Jason had a firm grip on Chad’s thighs, and Chad started jerking himself off.

Jason changed his angle slightly, and he knew he’d hit his mark when Chad bucked his hips and positively howled.

He was close. He let go of one of Chad’s thighs and knocked Chad’s hand away so he could stroke his dick. It only took a few more thrusts for him to spill into the condom. All that grinding had got him close to the edge before they’d even started. Chad led him through it, meeting his every thrust and touching every part of him he could reach.

When Jason’s dick was too sensitive to carry on thrusting, he pulled out and removed the condom. Tying it off, he left Chad grumbling on the bed as he dropped it in the trashcan in the corner. It was better than dropping it on the floor.

He dropped to his knees, right next to the bed, pulling Chad towards him by his hips. He slid three fingers back into Chad, and carried on where he’d left off, except that this time, he took Chad’s dick into his mouth.

Chad was biting his own lip, trying his hardest to contain the moans. He was halfway in between fucking Jason’s mouth and thrusting with Jason’s fingers, and if Jason hadn’t just come, he was sure he’d be ready to again.

It didn’t take long. Chad couldn’t keep his mouth shut when he came, letting out a guttural gasp. For the sake of tidiness, Jason swallowed.

Chad fell asleep much quicker than usual that night. Jason stayed awake until he was sure his boyfriend was asleep.

*

The harsh buzzing of Chad’s phone was sometimes Jason’s least favourite sound. It definitely was at 4am.

He groaned and tried to roll over, but something stopped him. The atmosphere in the bed felt chilly and tense. When he opened his eyes, he saw that Chad was sat bolt upright, staring at the phone in his hand.

“What’s wrong?” mumbled Jason.

“It’s Mojo.”

Suddenly Jason felt wide awake. He sat up. Chad let the phone ring.

In the light of the moon, through the curtains they hadn’t bothered to close, Jason could see that Chad was trembling.

“You don’t have to answer it,” said Jason.

“No,” said Chad, “I can… I can do this. Mojo wouldn’t call me in the middle of the night for no reason. Not after last time.”

Jason held his breath as Chad hit the answer button and put the phone to his ear. He didn’t dare to breathe as he tried to listen in.

From the half of the conversation he could hear, it didn’t sound good. From the other half, there seemed to be a lot of incoherent, emotional noises.

Jason took a moment to admire how remarkably calmly Chad was speaking. His voice didn’t even waver. Unsure how else he could help, Jason rubbed gentle circles into his boyfriend’s back with one hand. It seemed to help a little. Chad gave him a weak smile.

“Where are you?” Jason’s heart sank when Chad uttered those words.

_No. He’s doing so well. Don’t you dare ruin this for him now, Rawley, or I swear to –_

“Okay, I’m on my way,” Chad said, and then hung up. Jason watched him carefully. Chad didn’t move. He didn’t say anything. He didn’t even look at Jason. He just stared down at his phone.

Jason waited.

After what felt like an eternity, Chad met his eyes. Jason wanted to ask if he was okay, or what was going on, or –

Chad lunged forward and kissed him, hard and bittersweet. Jason clung to him, all restraint going out of the window. Chad covered Jason’s hands with his own. He tasted warm and familiar and Jason didn’t want to let go.

After a moment, Chad pulled away. Jason’s eyes stayed closed.

“I have to go,” said Chad softly. “Mojo sounds like he’s not doing so good. I’m worried about him.”

Jason opened his eyes. His mouth opened without his consent, the word ‘okay’ on his lips, but he shook his head fiercely to squash it back down.

“You… Chad…” His throat was tight. He was painfully aware that the last time this happened, he didn’t speak up, and everything had gone wrong. “I think this is a bad idea.”

“…I know.”

“I can’t lose you.” It might well have been the closest thing to ‘I love you’ he’d ever said to him. It might be as close as he was ever going to get if Chad left tonight.

“You’re not gonna lose me…” Chad’s voice was shaky. “Will you… will you come with me? Please?” Chad looked up at him with shiny eyes, and the emotions bubbling in Jason’s stomach turned like the tide.

“Come with you? _Of course_ I’ll come with you.”

Chad wiped his eyes. Jason turned on the light, and the two of them got dressed in silence.

It was hard not to think about how, just hours ago, they’d been celebrating Chad’s ‘birthday’. That seemed a long time ago now.

 *

Chad drove. Jason didn’t ask where they were going. The highway stretched out in front of them, and behind them, and it seemed to go on forever.

Jason looked out of the window. It was dark outside, but he could see the white lines on the road blurring together. It comforted and concerned him in equal measure. They were going so fast, yet not really very fast at all.

They finally pulled in by some big, rundown building. _Probably a squat._

Chad waited for him as they got out of the car.

“Are you alright?” asked Jason, keeping his voice low. Chad took his hand.

“I am now.”

They walked in silence, hand in hand, and Jason wasn’t sure how to feel about how well Chad seemed to know what he was doing. The door opened with a simple push, and Chad led him around the various groups of people standing and sitting and lying on the floor.

There were smells in the air that Jason half-recognised, and Chad’s grip on his hand tightened. Jason squeezed his hand back.

They found Mojo on a filthy couch, high on something and talking shit. He looked worse for wear. One of his eyes was bruised and there was some dried blood around his nose.

“Gable!” Mojo half-slurred. “You made it!”

“What happened to you?” asked Chad coldly.

“This big motherfucker got in my way and he thought he could push me around so I bitchslapped the smile right off of his ugly head. He thought he could take me.”

“It looks like he was right. Alright, get up. I’m taking you home.”

Mojo swore at Chad, but Jason helped him get him to his feet.

“Hey, it’s you,” said Mojo suddenly, poking one finger into the centre of Jason’s chest. “Aren’t you sick of trying to control everybody’s lives? Why can’t you just let us be happy?”

“This isn’t happiness, Mojo,” said Chad through clenched teeth. “Leave Jason alone.” Mojo ignored him.

“You think you can just push me around, huh?” Mojo shoved Jason hard in the chest, and, caught off guard, Jason stumbled backwards. Before he even had a chance to react, Mojo was on the ground. Chad had socked him clean on the jaw.

“May I remind you,” hissed Chad, as Mojo rubbed at his sore face, “that _you_ called _me_? We drove out here at four in the morning to help _you_. If you don’t want our help, then fine, but don’t you dare ever call me again. And if you ever lay a hand on my _boyfriend_ again, then I’ll give you much more than a black eye.”

Jason was speechless. His heart was racing. He wanted to take Chad’s hand again, but it didn’t really feel like the right moment.

Mojo started to cry.

“I’m sorry.”

He continued making pitiful noises as they led him outside.

“I’m sorry, man,” he said when they reached the car. “You’re right. I’m sorry. This ain’t no life. I need help.” He stuttered through sobs. Chad took a deep breath.

“Alright, here’s what we’re gonna do. We’re gonna drop you off at the hospital, so you can fix up your face. If you still feel like making a change, then you can come along to some support group sessions with me.”

“Th-thank you.”

*

Chad drove again. Jason took the passenger seat, and Mojo sprawled across the back seat.

Jason could see how white Chad’s knuckles were on the steering wheel, and wished there was anything he could do to help, but he’d run out of ideas.

Mojo had stopped crying by the time they dropped him off, which was a relief.

“Come and find me when you’re ready to try to change,” Chad had said to him.

It was also a relief to be alone.

As soon as Mojo was out of sight, Jason turned back to see Chad holding on to the car door for support. He was beyond trembling. He looked as if his legs were about to give out.

“Do you want me to drive?” asked Jason, laying a comforting hand between his shoulder blades.

“Yes please.”

Jason took the key from his hand and laid a kiss on his temple, before getting into the driver’s side.  Chad sat back in the passenger seat and closed his eyes.

The sky was beginning to lighten. Jason watched the rising sun illuminating the white lines the whole way back to Chad’s apartment. Chad was very quiet.

His legs were a lot steadier when they got out of the car, Jason noted. They were both exhausted, so they went straight back to Chad’s bedroom. Carmella was still out, thankfully, as Jason didn’t want to have to explain where they’d been.

Chad collapsed onto the bed as soon as it was within reach. Jason kicked off his own shoes, and then, after a moment, got to work removing Chad’s.

“You know,” he said, undoing the laces of Chad’s left shoe, “I’m proud of you.” He eased the shoe off, and then moved onto the right one. Chad made a grateful noise into the mattress. “You handled yourself so well. You’ve come so far.” When Jason had pulled off his other shoe, Chad rolled onto his back, beckoning Jason in.

Jason slumped down next to him, wrapping an arm around him. Chad hummed appreciatively.

Sunlight was filtering in through the window, but they were both too tired to care.

“Thank you,” mumbled Chad. “I never would’ve made it through if it wasn’t for you.” Jason held him a little tighter.

 “Chad,” he said, his voice deadly serious. He shuffled up so that he could see Chad’s face.

“Yeah?”

“I love you.” Jason moved in closer as Chad’s eyes widened. “I would do _anything_ for you.”

Jason’s heart was pounding in his ears. Half of him wanted to retract what he’d said, but the other half desperately wanted to know what Chad’s reaction was going to be.

He pulled back slightly so he could see his face fully. Chad’s eyes were still very wide. Jason waited with bated breath.

“Jason. I love you too,” he said. “I think I’ve loved you since we were just roommates. You’re just so… good. You’re everything I could ever have hoped for.”

Jason let out a half-laugh, half sigh of relief, and then they were both laughing. He buried his face into Chad’s neck.

It was a long time before either of them stopped laughing.

**Author's Note:**

> You can follow me on twitter (@SRbackwards) and tumblr (ambrollinsislife).


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